All My Feelings

Well I am now a mother. My son is now three and a half weeks old today. I am so tired. He is a very gassy baby. He cries very often and when he is hungry. My dad gets stressed out when he cries. He doesn't like it when my son cries because he doesn't know what is wrong with him. I also had a tooth pulled. There are now five generations in my family. This past weekend a few of us got together and took pictures. It is so cool. He is eating really well. He finally pooped. I am a good mother my family says. I am glad to be a single mother. Well more will come later.

Well today I got woken up by a puppy that someone decided to put in the bed of the truck. I was so pissed.
When I finally woke up I called my dad at work and he left his lunch here so I brought it to him.
All this week the baby was kicking and moving. My dad talks to the baby every once in a while. Like everyday when the baby is moving. I now have pains when I sneeze sometimes. I called my doctor and someone will be getting back to me about the pains I am having. I have started to nest. Some of my family members have given me some baby things and I have taken the fabric things off of them and I am getting ready to wash them.
Dad worked real late all this week. I would stay home and do things around the house and fix me some food when I got hungry. I am now cooking for me and my dad and he really likes it.
Dads truck got vandalized yesterday. I had to miss church because of it. I can't believe that someone would do that.
My grandfather and younger sister are going to be here the second weekend of March. I can't wait. I am going to cook a roast and dad is going to do the beans. They are going to love the meal. She also turns eighteen in March. She has a full time job and is going to school. I am so proud of her. But there is one thing she needs to get rid of and that is the guy she was dating but broke up with him but is still seeing him. The whole family and friends of the family don't even think he is a good BOY for her to be with. My grandfather is having surgery this week on his eye. My great grand mother is going to be staying with them for a few days and help around the house. Like clean and other things.

Well I got woken up by my dad popping his shorts that he wears for work. He is really mad that I have done some things half ass around the house. I started to cry like usual. I hate being pregnant some times but I am in the process of making a wonderful addition to my life. I am now about 24 - 25 weeks pregnant and it has not been the best pregnancy. I am just ready for my son to be here so I can get a good paying job. I really wish I had the energy to do all the things I need to do around the house everyday. My dad just doesn't understand how I am feeling and what I am going through everyday with this pregnancy. Sometimes I wish I had stayed in Oklahoma and married the guy I am going to spend the rest of my life with and I really would not be here single and pregnant. I can't believe that I have gotten pregnant and am back with my family to help me and support me in my time of need because I was dumb and had unprotected sex. Now here I am single can't date and my son has no father. I think it is better that I am home with my family but I still want that empty hole in my life filled. I want a husband. I am sick of haveing shitty relationships. I am sick of shitty boys as boyfriends. I want a man in my life. I need a man in my life. I have so much on my mind I just don't know what to say and not to say. I try to do my best but my father is still not satisfyied with the result. He thinks that I have no good volcabulary skills and I do. I am reading now. I am really into this book and it is just getting good but the language they use is horrible. Not good grammer. Soemtimes I miss Oklahoma but then I truly think about what I am missing about Oklahoma and I am glad that I am here with my family. Well that is all fro now but maybe not today.

Well I have started College. Beauty School. I really like it. I am trying to find Mr. Right. I have moved back up to Oklahoma. I really like being here. I am really bored. I have a whole lot of homework. Tomorrow I have no school. I want to go up to my old High School. I nedd to do alot of work. I need a job. I would like to be dating some guy on a regular basis. I am really sick of losers. I am just attracted to them I guess. I want to meet a nice good looking guy. I want a long term relationship. I really don't need a boyfriend I just like to have one to come home to and be able to relax and cuddle and talk to. I really want a man. I really miss being able to cuddle with a guy and all that other good stuff that goes along with it. Well I gues that is it for the day. I really don't have alot on my mind today.

Hello. How are we today? Well am still doing my business thing. I am really liking it. I am so bored. I have done all my house work. I really miss my daughter. She is getting to look like her father. The only reason I say that is because of the picture I got last month. The adoptive parents have not sent me anything for almost two months now. They are supposed to send me pictures every month. I am getting a little worried. She is getting really big. I have just got done with my lunch. Well that is all for now. I will write more later.

Well I have my own business. My daddy woke me up one morning to tell me about it. We are doing okay. I really like it a whole lot. Also on my free time I tape up BIC pens with medium fake flowers and floral tape. I really like doing that. My daddy and sister and grandfather are not getting along. My cat is so funny when she plays with my hair ties. I had my hair cut just the other day. I really like it. I also got pictures of my daughter when she was in foster care waiting on her birthfather to sign his rights over. She is begining to look like him (only his skin color). She is so very cute. I love that she is so happy with her new parents. I am so glad I moved away from where he is. I am so glad I do not have any contact with him. He is not who I wanted to have a baby with. He is not a very good BOY to be or hang out with. I am so glad I finally have a job. I guess that is all for now.

Well I just moved in with my daddy. I am going to look for a job next week. I really don't want to get one. I do know I need one. I really don't want one. My great grandfather is in the hospital right now. Baby is finally used to the house. She really does not want to go outside. At first she was scared of the kitchen and she would not even step foot in it. I have been making dinner for the past few days. I have been washing the dishes too. I have to clean the house everyday because of the cat hair, But I gave her a bath/shower that she really did not like and I really don't need too vacuum the house everyday because she does not loose her hair as much as she did the first few days she was here. I really miss my younger sister Rochelle. I have been doing good with the baby situation. I have been doing really good since I have been here. I have not been sick or really miserable. I have been a little depressed since I have been here. I think it is from not walking everyone's. I really want to be able to see JoyLin every once in a while but I do not have custody of her any more. I have been heaving some really weird dreams lately. I really don't like them. I think this is all for now. Thank you and good day.